Sam Weller's
Seven Days in Chicago

JANE FONDLE
Jane Fonda is the star attraction of Cineplex Odeon's private screening room at 70 East Lake, a venue exclusively reserved for the city's film critics. Inside the bowl of the lone urinal in the men's room is a sticker featuring a drawing of Fonda, clad in one of her sporty work-out unitards, lying on her side and doing the splits. The circular sticker reads: "Hanoi Jane's Urinal Targets."

"That thing's been there forever," offers Trib film critic Mark Caro. "Ever since I've been going there and that's at least four years. Would you wanna be the guy that has to reach in there and remove it?"

Which raises the burning question of who stuck Mrs. Ted Turner there in the first place. Cineplex Odeon couldn't provide any details by press time. A female spokesperson said she was unable to research the question, for obvious reasons.


SPEAK AND SPELL
After his introduction as a "Pulitzer Prize-winning writer," Roger Ebert busted some chops Sunday night at the Chicago Film Critics Awards Ceremony held at the Park West. With the aforementioned accolade, Ebert felt it his responsibility to point out the embarrassing editorial faux-pas during the evening's presentation. Seems some wunderkind in graphics forgot to put the "e" in Jodie Foster's first name during the "best actress" segment. Then, the word "unforgettable" was mishandled during a "ten years in Chicago films" montage. Finally, Ebert noted that the $100-per-plate event was the first awards ceremony he had attended with a $20 raffle. By the way, what's up with the critics getting the nosebleed seats? Thumbs down on the whole event, eh Rog?


TENDER AS HELLFIRE
Local writer Joe Meno just inked a deal with St. Martin's Press for his first novel, "Tender as Hellfire," a coming-of-age story set in the made-up town of Tenderloin, Minnesota. The Columbia College fiction student describes his story as dark and comical, but won't disclose the amount the New York publisher shelled out for the 330-page opus. "Hell, man," he says from his day job peddling Doc Marten's and biker wallets inside the Alley complex at Clark and Belmont, "I would have been totally happy if they just gave me an order of French fries."





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