Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

MARCH 15, 1999: 

Is the language that babies coo and gurgle really a sign of hyper-intelligence? Do they lose their innate genius when forced to learn the language of adults? Are they really just reincarnated Tibetan monks? Kathleen Turner and Christopher Lloyd try to find out for their own fun and profit.
Prediction: Another talking baby movie. Who knew the world needed another one?
Probable Entertainment Value: E

Idealistic cop (Mark "Don't Call Me Marky" Wahlberg) meets grizzled, corrupted veteran cop (Chow Yun-Fat) and together they bring peace to a fractured Chinatown and into their own fractured lives. But first they must wreck a lot of cars and spill a lot of blood.
Prediction: If you dig Yun-Fat's John Woo work, you'll probably dig this film, which should be closer to Woo's distinctive style than Yun-Fat's Replacement Killers. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go see The Deep End of the Ocean.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Losing one of your kids is every mother's worst nightmare. But what happens when the lost kid, whom you've grieved for yet still deeply miss, comes back into your life and has no memory of you? Michelle Pfeiffer, with the help of director Ulu Grosbard, discovers humility, maturity, and grace in this screen adaptation of Jacquelyn Mitchard's novel.
Prediction: Hopefully, this talented ensemble, which also includes Treat Williams and Whoopi Goldberg, avoided hopping on the maudlin, melodramatic, over-sentimental, pity-me bandwagon. If they didn't, this will be two hours in hell. If they keep the smart tone of the novel, this will be a great, gripping drama. But, since this is Hollywood, I'm betting on the bandwagon.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Young, telekinetic loner chick goes on a rampage 'cause it's so hard to be a woman. No, not much has changed since the first Carrie went on her rampage. Sad, ain't it?
Prediction: Can you say two-hour long music video, full of lots of pretty boys and girls and special effects? I knew that you could.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

The Confederation is fighting a long and bloody war against the Kilrathi! Only three young, hot-shot, balls-y pilots can save the Earth from these alien interlopers! Man, does that ever sound like it would make a great plot for a computer game series!
Prediction: Why do they keep doing this whole game-adaptation thing to the innocent, movie-going public? Oh, yeah, I forgot that 13-year-old boys rule the world. Never mind.
Probable Entertainment Value: D

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