Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

APRIL 17, 2000: 

Anjelica Huston stars as a plucky, recently widowed, fruit-selling mom of seven in 1967 Dublin whose irrepressible spirit (think Erin Brockovich) helps her get through her quaint, Irish life and, if that weren't enough, she also get a surprise visit from Tom "What's New, Pussycat" Jones.
Prediction: You'll need some insulin about half-way through this flick, since Huston the director became a little too enamored with Huston the actor and every frame is full of her indomitable spirit and joie de vivre—but not in a good way.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Christian Bale (in this adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' book) seems like a nice enough guy—clean cut, sweet to puppies. But he has one tiny problem: He like to dismember women and keep various parts of them in his apartment. And they say it's hard to find good men these days.
Prediction: The cast reads like a guide to young, hip Hollywood—Jared Leto, Reese Witherspoon, Chloë Sevigny—so hip, in fact, that the withered king of hip, Willem Dafoe, drops in. But will this lampoon of '80s materialism play to an early '00s audience?
Probable Entertainment Value: B

This documentary follows blind, blues singer Paul Pe-a as he travels to Tuva (just north of Mongolia) to compete in a throat singing (sounds like a bad cold with guitar) contest.
Prediction: Hey, it was nominated for an Oscar.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

Ben Stiller, Edward Norton, and Jenna Elfman do the love triangle thing—only this time the twist is that Stiller is a rabbi and Norton a priest! Now that's comedy.
Prediction: You know, it may just be quirky enough to work. Of course, that could just be my lust for Stiller talking...
Probable Entertainment Value: B

28 DAYS (PG-13)
The irrepressible (like That Girl) Sandra Bullock commandeers a limo at a wedding and finds herself doing 28 days in rehab. There she meets Steve Buscemi, who "breaks through her carefully constructed defenses and forces her to take a closer look at who she really is."
Prediction: Finally, someone made a comedy about rehab. We can all rest easy now.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Director Ziad Doveiri grew up in Lebanon during 1975's civil war. As if being a teenager weren't bad enough, he also had to cope with bombs, bread lines, and brutalism. In his film, his brother stars as a kid in a similar predicament and Beirut wears its grief, and heart, on its war-torn sleeve.
Prediction: Doveiri's visual sense is loosely modeled on Tarantino and Rodriguez—two directors for whom he has worked as a cameraman. But can he put a coherent story together as well? Only one way to find out.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

An imprisoned bank robber (Paul Newman) fakes a stroke to get transferred to a nursing home. There he meets Linda Fiorentino and Dermot Mulroney—two marks who he sucks into his next con, proving that you are never too old to be a hustler.
Prediction: Did you like The Sting? How about The Color of Money? This will be a lot like those, only slower.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

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