Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O'Leary

Dateline: Canada--Remember that tidbit a couple weeks ago about the Canadian guy who robbed a donut shop by threatening to kill a goose? Well, police have nabbed their suspect. Just last week, Peter Lerat, 33, was arrested when he allegedly threatened to hit a two-month-old raccoon in the head with a rock if pedestrians didn't give him C$50. Lerat is now in jail under two counts of cruelty to animals.

Dateline: England--You think lawyers in America are evil? In March, The Times of London reported on the suicide of an employee at the James Beauchamp Law Firm in Edgbaston, England. Following the suicide, the law firm sent the man's mother a bill for approximately $20,000. The itemized bill included: $2,500 to go to the man's house (consequently discovering the body) and find out why he wasn't at work, $500 for identifying the body for the coroner and $250 to go to the mother's house and tell her that her son was dead. The firm withdrew the bill after the resulting bad publicity.

Dateline: Israel--A horn player with the Berlin Opera was expelled from the Holy Land last week after signing a restaurant bill at his hotel with the name "Adolph Hitler." Apparently the Jewish people didn't appreciate the jest. Angry protests ensued and the German embassy eventually issued a formal apology.

Dateline: Oregon--In what is being called the largest act of eco-terrorism in years, vandals used bolt cutters to free an estimated 8,000 to 9,000 minks from a fur ranch in Mount Angel, Ore. Many of the animals subsequently died from exposure.

Dateline: New Jersey--Citing safety and hygiene issues, the town of Jamesburg, N.J., has banned the practice of tongue piercing.

Dateline: Iowa--You can't fault the Midwest for its lack of creativity. When a state law banned nude dancing in places where liquor was served, a whole spate of nude juice bars began to pop up in the beehive state. Recently, a new law was drafted prohibiting nudity except in places "devoted primarily to the arts." As a result, a Mt. Joy strip club owner promptly renamed his bar "The Southern Comfort Free Theater for the Performing Arts" and put sketch pads on every table.

Dateline: Texas--The tiny town of Quitaque has become the latest focus of animal rights activists. Every June, Quitaque hosts National Trails Day. The highlight of the day-long festivities is the dropping of two guinea hens from a low flying aircraft. Residents and tourists scramble after the birds trying to catch the $100 coupons attached to the birds. Activists say the ritual terrorizes the guineas, non-flying relatives of the chicken. Supporters say the hens glide just fine when tossed from a height.

--Compiled by Devin D. O'Leary

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