Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

JUNE 26, 2000: 

The jailbirds are restless. They're tired of doing hard time laying eggs behind the barbed wire at Tweedy's Egg Farm. To add insult, the head Warden wants to bake 'em in pies. It's time to blow this chicken coop and head for the hills in this Aardman (Wallace & Gromit) animated feature.
Prediction: It'll make you a vegetarian faster than Babe—and will be twice as fun.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

A blind Iranian boy (played by Mohsen Ramezani) makes his life a quest to use his hands to find signs of God on earth. A blind carpenter gets involved.
Prediction: For all of its talk of blindness, this Iranian film is a sight to behold.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

Heather Graham drives 2,000 miles to save her marriage, running in to Casey Affleck and Luke Wilson along the way. Right. So who hasn't been there?
Prediction: A slightly edgier take on the whole woman-with-angst theme, a personal favorite of mine that can fall frighteningly flat when there is too much angst and not enough perspective.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Jack is a wannabe novelist making some bucks (and gathering material) at a London casino. His wry observations delight and dismay his girlfriend, parents, and, incidentally, the punters that he mocks, in this film from Mike Hodges.
Prediction: Croupier will feel like Mamet's House of Games but without all of the cussing.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

A lost weekend in London, full of dancing, sex, and Ecstasy.
Prediction: Why risk it when you can experience it vicariously?
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Jim Carrey suffers from an acute split personality disorder—and both of his personas competing with each other for the love of Renee Zellweger. The Farrelly Brothers (There's Something About Mary, Dumb and Dumber) decided to film the whole thing.
Prediction: You'll find it funny, unless the Farrelly make you want to take a nice, hot shower in order to wash off the karmic shame.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

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