Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

JUNE 28, 1999: 

Famed director Bernardo Bertolucci is back with this flick about race, social class, Africa, and middle aged men. Oh, and Thandie Newton's breasts.
Prediction: Is it just me or is Bertolucci turning into more and more of a pervert the older he gets? First Stealing Beauty, now a film about an older guy in love with a young girl. Sheesh. But I'm sure it will look amazing.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Adam Sandler ends up taking care of a smart-mouthed kid. Potty jokes ensue. From the lofty heights of The Waterboy to this...
Prediction: Wild horses and promises of free backrubs could not drag me to this movie—even if you threw in grape-peeling servants.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

In 1681, the fictional Nicolo Bussotti builds a red violin and the world is given a new plot device. There was much rejoicing by Samuel L. Jackson, Greta Scacchi, and director Francois Girard, since they could suddenly build a movie around the grand passions of the mythical instrument's owners. But will Jackson use any Jedi mind tricks to escape from this pre-fab story? Use the Force, Sam.
Prediction: Truth be told, it's not played well in other markets. But the soundtrack should be lush—if you dig the classical stuff.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

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