Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

JULY 24, 2000: 

Adrien, recently released from a psychiatric hospital, takes a job at a posh country club, where her good looks and charm are noticed by the scheming Brittany, who decides to bring her to the in-crowd so that she'll have something to play with, like a cat with a mouse. But the mouse may be more dangerous than Miss Brittany thinks.
Prediction: Beautiful people do mean things to other beautiful people. Beats Springer re-runs, I guess, but just barely.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

What can you say about a movie that takes its title from a Lou Reed song? Jesus' Son is one man's journey through the early '70s, wherein he drops out and finds good dope, surreal humor, and, ultimately, redemption set to an AM radio beat.
Prediction: Director Alison Maclean (Crush) had quite the indie cast to work with—Billy Crudup, Samantha Morton, Dennis Hopper, Holly Hunter, and Denis Leary. But will Son show the same indie panache without the small film industry's ubiquitous Steve Buscemi? Probably.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Smalltown boy (Jason Biggs) moves to the bad Big Apple and flounders in this foreign land—until he meets Mena Suvari. Which just proves, once again, that in movieland, a pretty young thing makes all the difference.
Prediction: Normally, the Guru would offhandedly dismiss a flick like Loser, which just has teen-summer-modest-success written all over its earnest, acne-scarred face. But the great Amy Heckerling (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Clueless) has taken the director's reins and has, hopefully, worked her magic. Hopefully.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

POKEMON 2000 (G)
Little animated beasties save the world once again. And parents everywhere decide to buy the large economy-size bottle of aspirin.
Prediction: I'm still trying to puzzle out the deep, philosophical commentary of the first one. Now they must tax my brain with more assaults to its reasoning skills?! What fiends these Pokémon be!
Probable Entertainment Value: D

The virile Harrison Ford has made one teensy little mistake in his perfect marriage to the comely Michelle Pfeiffer—and it comes back to haunt him. Literally.
Prediction: How is this not Fatal Attraction with a Haunting of Hill House twist? Sheesh.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

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