Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

AUGUST 3, 1998: 

South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker invent a new game and become famous—in other words, pretty much what they did to the animation field. Jenny McCarthy (will her 15 minutes never end?) and Yasmine Bleeth also star in this David Zucker-directed opus.
Prediction: Maybe we'll find out who killed Kenny.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Try to think back to June of last year. Oh, come on, I know you can. Remember Hong Kong politely ousting the Brits when it reverted back to Chinese rule? This is a movie about that, told through the eyes of Jeremy Irons' John, an Englishman who loves this city and doesn't want to leave. And there is, of course, a love subplot.
Prediction: Director Wayne Wang received lukewarm kudos for his The Joy Luck Club and Smoke. But can he make Irons look less gaunt and creepy?
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Why is it that every NYU film grad needs to make a movie about the Mafia? Aspiring filmmaker Jimmy, who just happens to be played by the director of this flick, and his friends John and Chuck escape to the country to avoid the cops and some—you guessed it—gangsters.
Prediction: The Austin Chronicle's Marc Savlov called this "a box of good stuff that goes nowhere."
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Danielle, a 16th-century peasant, bonks the prince on the head with an apple. In his resulting haze, he falls in love with her. Chaos ensues but a smart woman always triumphs—at least in the movies.
Prediction: Director Andy Tennant and Drew Barrymore have worked together before, creating the wonderful and deeply moving "telefilm" The Amy Fisher Story. What more can possibly be said?
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Chief Chicago PD negotiator Danny Roman (Samuel L. Jackson) has locked himself, his gun, and the rest of the staff in a very small room. Talk about your cries for help. Chris Sabian (Kevin Spacey) is sent in to talk him down.
Prediction: Jackson and Spacey are both incredible actors and you would have thought that they could have gotten better jobs than a Die Hard II knock-off.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Charming little scamp Haley Mills meets the snotty upper crust Haley Mills and these two concoct shenanigans to...oh, wait, the new Haley Mills, Lindsay Lohan, meets Lindsay Lohan and concocts shenanigans to bring Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson together for the greater good of humanity.
Prediction: And the world needed a remake why?
Probable Entertainment Value: D

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