espite years of advice columns, talk shows, TV programs like
Men Behaving Badly and best-selling books like Men Are
From Mars, Women Are From Venus, men are still as stupid as
a bunch of oxen when it comes to dealing with women. It's like
that Socrates quote, "The more you know, the more you realize
how much you don't know," except with a twist: "The
more you think you know, the more you become a complacent jerk, until
you slip and have to learn it all over again." For a lot
of us, anyway.
ong introductions aside, let's get to the point: This issue
of Weekly Wire contains a fantastic primer on keeping a
woman happy. Alright, stop -- cut that above-it-all skepticism
out right now because this is the real thing. There's no vague, wishy-washy advice here. Just
specific suggestions to help you navigate the gray area between
Sensitive Guy and Hairy Primate without driving yourself crazy.
ow for something completely disgusting. Ever wonder what your
mindset would be if you worked as a corpse beautician, late-night
crime-scene photographer, rat-and-roach exterminator, or in a
clean-up crew that specializes in violent aftermaths? Or are you
one of those people who floats through life shielding yourself
from all thoughts of death? I was too until I read this article.
It's a strange world.
lenty of other choice stuff awaits you here. Articles about
child custody and innocent people on death row prove that our
legal system still has plenty to learn about Doin' Justice Right.
And for jam-packed action, listen to a customer at one of Utah's
government-run liquor stores mouth off at its rude employees, watch the
saber-tongued Captain Opinion fight for his own special tax breaks;
and shudder in horror as a newspaper editor is forced at gunpoint
[editor's note: slight exaggeration] to sing Kumbayah at
a "cerebral camp." Or sit back and relax as the world
goes insane in our regular Odds & Ends column.
quick note for techno nerds and would-be techno nerds: This
article provides a totally neato update on Windows and Mac operating
systems (the new Windows is titled "Windows '98," so
expect its timely arrival at a store near you in, like, 1999).
And this groovy story about security issues and money transfers
on the Internet makes even dunces like me think they understand
something. That's a feeling even Pepsi Points can't buy.
Our online BBS is an open forum where you can say anything you
like about current events, controversies, or anything else that
might be stuck in your craw.
Volume I, Issue 9
August 4 - August 11, 1997
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Click here to find out, or just ignore them.
The Hairy Primate's Guide to Women
Making the Right Moves. 
Amy Alkon, "The Advice Goddess"
Just Another Day At The Office
What's Albuquerque's nastiest job? How about working at a funeral home? How about cleaning up after traffic accidents and suicides? 
Sheathing Solomon's Sword
An experimental law in Tennessee seeks to make divorce less painful for Knox County children. But can legislation heal what families put asunder? 
Innocence Found on Death Row
"The danger that innocent people will be executed because of errors in the criminal justice system is getting worse," says a new report. 
Liquor Store Blues
Utah Republicans prove their inherent hypocricy: running a monopoly that kicks the down-and-out while raking in more money through the State Liquor Store. 
The Urge To IRB
City Should Pay For My Job Creation Skills. 
Facing the Music
Memphis teens grapple with racial differences at Anytown. 
Security becomes the issue du jour as money changes hands on the World Wide Web. 
Looking into the Latest Operating Systems. 
David O. Dabney
Odds & Ends
Weird news for weird times. 
Devin D. O'Leary
A Web link page chock full of resources, recommendations, and staff picks pertaining to the subject of this section. 
Build your own custom paper. To find out more
about this feature, click here.
Will Downtown's proposed Holocaust Memorial rob us of a prime loitering spot? [07-28-97]
Media criticism. [06-06-97]