Psychic Movie Predictions
AUGUST 23, 1999:
MICKEY BLUE EYES (PG-13)
Hugh Grant, an Englishman in case you haven't noticed, falls in love with Jeanne Tripplehorn, an Italian for the purposes of this film. The twist is: her family is in The Mob and Grant finds himself in all sorts of "hilarious" predicaments.
Prediction: I think having a root canal would be more fun than seeing Hugh Grant play Hugh Grant for the 300th time.
Probable Entertainment Value: D
TEACHING MRS. TINGLE (PG-13)
Katie Holmes plays yet another goody-two-shoes high school student and this one needs an A from teacher Helen Mirren in order to get a scholarship. But Mirren don't play that game. So Holmes and two buds decide to scare the crap out of her and, quite possibly, lead to the teach's demise.
Prediction: Kevin Williamson—writer of Dawson Creek and Scream—debuts as a director with Tingle. Can he hold it together? Or will it get bogged down in some kind of sick, perverted revenge fantasy? I'm bettin' on the latter.
Probable Entertainment Value: D
UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN (R)
Jean Claude Van Damme is back—and he still can't act.
Prediction: You know, I was just thinkin' to myself that the world really needed another Universal Soldier. It was at that point that I realized I need a vacation.
Probable Entertainment Value: D
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