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Weekly Alibi Diana Hype Overload

Blame Yourself For Being Shallow

By Cap'n O

SEPTEMBER 15, 1997:  Even as doctors were drawing blood that revealed that the man speeding her Mercedes through a narrow tunnel in Paris was drunk, those who enlighten and inform us all--the world's news media-- were blaming the death of Princess Diana, or Lady Spencer or whatever her name was, on the scumball paparazzi.

The melodramatic scribes and the brow-furrowing TV types were quick to suggest that Di's death was caused by the vile photographers who chase publicity-seeking celebrities and photograph them when they're doing stupid things, which is almost always.

Di's brother, Earl Spencer, blamed her death on the photogs. Maybe it doesn't matter to Earl that his sister's driver was drunk and speeding through a narrow tunnel, possibly at 112 mph.

The paparazzi didn't kill Diana, her driver did. And as scummy as they are, the paparazzi don't deserve the grief they're getting over this event. Yes they're vile, but at least they have jobs, which is more than can be said for some of the wealthy celebrities they tail.

And guess who the paparazzi work for? You, me and the millions of people who buy supermarket tabloids, watch the dumb TV entertainment shows, lust for transcripts of celebrities talking dirty to each other on the phone and otherwise engage in idiotic celebrity worship.

There's money in those pictures of the stars sunbathing in the nude or romping naked with someone else's spouse, because the public craves it. If there were no market for the sleaze, the paparazzi wouldn't be riding cheap motorcycles and chasing people around at four in the morning. Pornographers make tons of money because people love the stuff and spend millions on it.

So, much of the blame for the paparazzi lies with the public and news media for its moronic worship of shallow, mindless celebrities. Most of these celebs, Diana included, are nobodies but for the fact that they somehow got money. She became a celeb merely by marrying a confused, horse-faced man with family money.

Have any of these people that we so worship ever said anything remotely profound or even mildly interesting? A while back when Diana visited the U.S., some local TV stations interrupted their daytime programming to air live shots of her motorcade. Did a thirtysomething bimbo with no job deserve that type of publicity? Hardly.

A British writer breathlessly said this about Di's death: "The untimely death of Diana, Princess of Wales, has dismayed the world. No one will forget where they were when they heard the news."

Spare me the blather. I'm dismayed by the massive and fawning publicity her death has received. Thousands of women who are prettier, smarter and who actually have jobs, die every day. How about some fawning ink for them?

To show how low we've sunk, read People magazine's recently published list of the most influential, and presumably, the most intelligent people. Near the top was Oprah Winfrey, a one-time tubbo who obtained celebrity status and worldwide importance because she managed to trim down her bulky thighs.

Forget the stirring thoughts and words of Winston Churchill or Abe Lincoln. Oprah has discovered that--don't faint here--in order to lose weight and keep it off you must stop stuffing your face with food and must exercise regularly. For that she's probably the richest woman in the U.S.

The celebrities must also share part of the blame for the paparazzi. These beautiful people love to be seen. Di and her companion Dodi, who managed to get into debt while on a $100,000 a month allowance from Daddy, had just dined at the Ritz in the heart of Paris. They knew they'd be seen and followed. Do these wealthy people ever spend quiet nights at home and order out for pizza?

So for those news babblers, Earl Spencer and others who are easily disgusted and who think the paparazzi are degenerate scum and a symbol for the worst society has to offer, here's a tip: Don't look in the mirror.

--Cap'n O

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