Weekly Wire
Weekly Alibi Odds & Ends

By Devin D. O'Leary

SEPTEMBER 22, 1997:  Dateline: Libya--In the wake of Princess Diana's death, Libyan leader Muammar Kadhafi announced last week that the auto accident that claimed the lives of the princess and two others was arranged by British and French secret service agents. Kadhafi told a meeting of government officials marking the Libyan revolution, which put him in power 28 years ago, that Britain committed a crime by executing the Princess of Wales so that she could not marry an Arab citizen--her Egyptian companion, Dodi al Fayed. The Libyan leader stated: "No child in the world could believe that this accident is a pure coincidence. The English must admit that they are criminals and are in decline and must no longer speak of terrorism and human rights."

Dateline: New Jersey--You can't accuse the 77-year-old Miss America Pageant of being a stuffy, antiquated institution this year. Not only are the contestants allowed to wear two-piece bathing suits for the first time, but Miss Vermont will be the first Miss America contestant to sport a body piercing. When it comes to the swimsuit competition, 19-year-old Jill Renee Cummings will be showing the world her silver bellybutton ring.

Dateline: Minnesota--A motorcyclist was killed last Saturday night in Dayton, Minn., after colliding with a deer. Quite a bit after, actually. The man was lying in the roadway when a police car responding to the accident ran over him.

Dateline: Iowa--Several state prison inmates were "disciplined" after altering imprints on new license plates manufactured at the prison. Apparently the witty inmates eliminated the "C" in "Cass County" as well as the "S" and "by" in "Shelby County."

Dateline: Hawaii--Charges are pending against a Hawaiian man who allegedly sold more than 1,900 tickets to a fake Spice Girls concert. Police were tipped off after contacting representatives of the real Spice Girls who confirmed that no concert was planned for the Aloha State. The man told police he was trying to raise cash for a sex-change operation.

Dateline: California--Serious bonus points if you can follow this one: Two-year-old Jaycee Louise Buzzanca was officially declared an orphan after Judge Robert Monarch of Orange County Superior Court ruled she has no legal parents. The girl was born through artificial insemination when a donor sperm and a donor egg were implanted in a surrogate mother. One month before the birth, the man who hired the surrogate filed for divorce from his wife. John Buzzanca argued that since he filed for divorce, he was not legally required to pay the $386 a month child support. Judge Monarch not only concurred, he ruled that Luanne Buzzanca, who currently has custody of the child, "is no longer entitled to be declared legal mother." As a result, Jaycee Buzzanca has no mother and no father.

--compiled by Devin D. O'Leary


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