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Weekly Alibi Kill the Birds

Enviros, Ranchers Fight to the Death

By Cap'n O

SEPTEMBER 29, 1997:  There is a battle looming in the American Southwest, specifically in New Mexico. Under attack is a way of life that is the very definition of American. The conflict will be brutal because some people are out to destroy that lifestyle.

True Americans will help win this battle by putting patriotism into practice. If you care about this nation, act now. Don't delay. Do the patriotic thing. Go out and kill some willow flycatchers. Kill as many of these birds as possible. Exterminate them. Engage in scorched-earth policy.

Actually, I have nothing against the little tweety birds. It's environmentalists who need to be clubbed. But since we can't do that, we should kill the birds.

In the next few years, environmentalists from that obnoxious group the Forest Guardians will be using the willow flycatchers as a weapon in the war to try to shut down the cattle ranching industry in the Southwest. The greenies will be going to court to argue that cattle, with their big appetites, are chewing down areas along stream banks where flycatchers live, thus endangering the birds' habitat and lives. Federal judges will be asked to protect the birds by banning cattle from huge tracts of public lands.

The battle over the willow flycatcher and whether cattle should be allowed to graze on public lands has the potential to shut down the state's ranching industry. This isn't a game; it's serious business. The environmentalists would ruin an entire industry, throw thousands of people out of work and deprive the nation of juicy steaks and burgers for the sake of some birds. And it's not even a lot of birds. In New Mexico there's an estimated 300 to 500 flycatcher pair alive.

Like all battles, this one has a hidden agenda. It isn't really about the willow flycatcher; it's about ranching. The greenies (remember how these elitists spat on the people of northern New Mexico for the sake of the Mexican spotted owl?) would love to eliminate ranching everywhere. They hate red meat and don't want you to enjoy it rare, medium, well-done or smothered with onions and bell peppers. These people would prefer that you go to government-run intravenous feeding stations to eat.

The battle is also about selfishness. Truth is, the environmentalists don't want anybody but them and their nasal-voiced friends to use national forests and other public lands. They hate the fact that they have to share your lands with you and other Americans. And they're hypocritical. They huff that Hispanic and Anglo ranchers and their cattle are foreign to this arid region. That's true. But I don't remember learning about any pre-Columbian Indians running around the desert in thinsulate and gortex or clothes from REI.

The selfishness is one-sided. When I've camped in national forests, I've run into cattle and ranchers. The cowboys and ranchers have always been friendly; they've never tried to chase me or other campers off of the land and claim it as their own. The cows have been rude though. They've never once offered me a steak from their hides.

And there's the issue of the American way of life here. Ranching is the quintessential American job. It requires ruggedness, individuality, self-reliance, a love of the outdoors and of bad coffee. Cattle ranching made this nation great. Without this industry we'd wouldn't have had the Ponderosa on TV or many of those great John Wayne movies. And besides, a 2-ton steer will feed more people than all 500 pair of nesting flycatchers.

So, to save ranching and a piece of America, we need to take away the environmentalists' weapon. If there are no willow flycatchers to protect, there will be no reason to shut down the cattle industry. So go out and kill these wimpy little songbirds as fast as you can.

The earthies will squeak about this being an immoral, inhumane and unconscionable act of extermination. They'll be right. But it's no different than what they're trying to do to ranchers.

--Cap'n O

Weekly Wire Suggested Links

  • Forest Guardians - Forest Guardians is leading the fight to protect and restore the forests, rivers, grasslands and wilderness of the Southwest
  • Cap'n O Archives

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