Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

OCTOBER 4, 1999: 

Adrian Grenier is a suburban kid just chock full of teenage angst. Then, his stepfather decides to become a woman. Nope, not making this up.
Prediction: If I had to go to only one Adrian Grenier movie, this would be it.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening chew up celluloid in this soon to be American classic about mid-life—or that's the way it would seem if you've read any of the advance press.
Prediction: Could be the best thing to hit the screen since Citizen Kane. Could be another Eyes Wide Shut. Truth is, it's hard to tell since the secrecy surrounding it has been tight—so tight, in fact, that the Guru can't sum up his prodigious ESP.
Probable Entertainment Value: A

Melissa Joan Hart and Adrian Grenier are next-door neighbors who have a whole opposites attracting thing going on. Will they hook up? Will they smooch? Or will somebody get a zit?
Prediction: The whole thing is just an excuse to sell more Britney Spears records. But it will keep the pre-teens very, very happy.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Elmo loves his Blanket. Oscar the Grouch takes his Blanket. And Elmo must travel to the yuckiest place on Earth to take his revenge.
Prediction: Kids will love it, as will child-minded adults—those who can tolerate Elmo's voice, anyway.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Those wacky marketing wags are at it again, pitching the New York Rangers against a bumbling team from Mystery, Alaska. Ally McBeal/The Practice's David E. Kelley is responsible and his vast Hollywood cachet has pulled in Russell Crowe, Hank Azaria, Mary McCormack, Ron Eldard, and Burt Reynolds.
Prediction: It'll be funny. It'll be heartwarming. And it'll be like every other funny, heart-warming movie you've seen before.
Probable Entertainment Value: C

Trainspotting's Jonny Lee Miller and Robert Carlyle star in this highwaymen meet English aristocracy romp. Liv Tyler and Alan Cumming liven up the whole mix.
Prediction: Will audiences be able to deal with the mix of a period piece cut with modern film styles modeled after MTV? Or will they just get motion sickness?
Probable Entertainment Value: B

George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, Ice Cube, and Spike Jonze are soldiers who stumble around in the post-Gulf War Iraqi desert looking for gold. Oh, and they discover their inner humanity through a "heroic challenge that drastically changes their lives."
Prediction: Three Kings was penned by David O. Russell who directed the off-beat and almost-brilliant indie films Spanking the Monkey and Flirting with Disaster. But has the movie-machine sucked out all of the quirk that makes his movies shine? Or will his art be better served by big-name stars and big-figure budgets?
Probable Entertainment Value: B

A meditation on the loneliness of horny conjoined twins.
Prediction: Admit it. You're curious. And this film's stark beauty will suck you right in.
Probable Entertainment Value: B

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