THIS WEEK

Chicago Hype Exchange
Charting the capricious contours of celebrity


THIS WEEK'S BIGGEST GAINERS

1. KEVIN GARNETT Local hero won't be playing for Chicago any time soon after inking a deal with the Minnesota Timberwolves for six years and $125 million.

2. JAMES MULLEN Quadriplegic police officer was retired by the department, then hired back with a little help from Da Mare.

3. RICHARD GRAY Local art dealer stepped in for the Field Museum with the winning bid for a pile of dino bones named Sue.

4. WILLIAM BEAVERS Chair of the city council's Police and Fire Committee started building a very big dam when he called for hearings to investigate the entire Chicago police department.

5. MIKE DITKA The bulging veins in his forehead made him look like a constipated Klingon, but Da Coach's new bad team still took a win away from his old bad team.



THIS WEEK'S BIGGEST LOSERS

1. HARRY ALEMAN Cook County justice officials finally got the verdict they wanted as Aleman was convicted of murdering a Teamster after being acquitted twenty years earlier.

2. TERRY BEVINGTON Theoretical soundbite from Bevvie's bedroom: "Trade my two best pitchers halfway through the f@#king season and it's my fault?"

3. ANDREW GOLOTA Chicago's Polish pugilist with a prior penchant for penis punching got pasted by Lennox Lewis in less than two minutes.

4. ROBERT W. WRIGHT Head honcho at Illinois' Department of Public Aid who helped facilitate the state's MSI deal practiced self-termination as whispered allegations grew louder.

5. RICK MIRER A long-term contract with this guy is looking better every game.



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