Weekly Wire
Metro Pulse Psychic Movie Predictions

NOVEMBER 16, 1998: 

I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (R)
Jennifer Love Hewitt gets chased around by a crazed killer. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Prediction: Guess what? I still don't care.
Probable Entertainment Value: D



I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (PG)
Jonathan Taylor Thomas wakes from a bender and finds himself dressed in a Santa suit and stranded in the desert. The poor baby has until 6 p.m. to get home, otherwise he forfeits the vintage Porsche his daddy is giving him for Christmas. It's a Wonderful Life this ain't.
Prediction: I'm withholding any judgment until someone can explain to me how this isn't a bourgeois revamp of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles that has been carefully designed to separate gullible teenage girls from their baby-sitting cash. Anyone?
Probable Entertainment Value: C



MEET JOE BLACK (PG-13)
Brad Pitt is Death. Anthony Hopkins is a media tycoon. Claire Forlani is his beautiful daughter. And the plot is a thin excuse to have three stunning people in one movie.
Prediction: It will be the hottest movie of the Fall season if Pitt appears shirtless just once. It will break all box office records if the shirtless one is Forlani. Shame there is no real story buried beneath all of the prettiness. Oh, silly me, I forgot this is a Hollywood picture...
Probable Entertainment Value: C


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